


The Butterfly Effect

by cmfan3



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Emily needs a hug, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, One Shot, Penelope is the friend we all want, Strong Language, The best trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26720194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmfan3/pseuds/cmfan3
Summary: After a stupid mistake, JJ doesn’t know if she can fix her relationship with Emily. With emotions running high, nothing is set in stone.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 46





	The Butterfly Effect

The team had just gotten back from a particularly tough case in Florida where the unsub had been killing newborns because the doctors couldn’t save her child so she felt as if no one deserved to feel the happiness of holding their newborn. Penelope had to accompany them on the trip because it was such a time sensitive case that Hotch wanted the tech analyst to be there with the team. Rossi and Hotch were towards the front of the jet, each immersed in their own world. Even though Derek had his headphones on, he still seemed to be engaging with Spencer who decided it would be a good idea to rattle off fact after fact about newborns and first time mothers.

In the back of the jet, Emily and Penelope were having an argument about what kind of baby clothes they would get their newborns. Penelope turned towards the older agent with shock written across her features before she gagged, “oh absolutely not sweet cheeks. There is no way I’m dressing up my future kid in something as bland as that,” referencing the photo of the plain pink baby clothes with white polka dots on the bottoms that Emily pulled up on her phone. “But there’s nothing wrong with them, they’re practical and cute,” Emily countered. Penelope laughed as she patted her friend's arm, “there is so much that is wrong with them. First off, where’s the glitter, the spar-” Saving Emily from the long list of what Penelope didn’t like about the baby clothes, JJ sank into the seat opposite the two bickering women, letting out a sigh. She leaned forward, excitement glittering in her eyes, “we have to have a girls night after that horrible case. We can do it at my house. I’ll buy the food. Pen, you can bring the movies-” Interrupting the blonde, Emily smirked, “and I’ll bring the alcohol because we’re definitely getting fucked up.” Bouncing in her seat, Penelope all but screamed, “oh my god yes! I’m gonna bring the best romance movies I can find.” Emily groaned, “please don’t PG. Anything but romance.” Laughing at her friends’ reactions, JJ leaned back in her seat, excited for the night to come.

Getting ready, JJ slipped into a pair of sweats and a worn down sweater, her appearance being the last thing she was worried about. As she was tying her hair up in a loose ponytail, she heard her doorbell ring. “Give me a second,” she shouted. As she swung the door open, JJ wasn’t surprised when the first one there was Penelope dressed in some type of sparkly pjs. She held up the movies she was holding in her hands, her smile stretching from ear to ear, “I couldn’t pick so I brought them all.” JJ let the bubbly woman in, closing the door behind her. As they walked towards the living room, Penelope questioned, “so my beautiful blonde angel, are you gonna make a move today?” JJ sighed, her shoulders sagging ever so slightly, “you know I can’t Pen. I can’t ruin what we have. Not to mention we work together, I can’t jeopardize that.” JJ has had feelings for Emily ever since she saw her sitting in Hotch’s office, but she forced herself to never act upon them in fear of losing the friendship she shared with the brunette. Penelope turned, grabbing her friend’s hands, “you know I love you JJ, but sometimes, you’re so thick headed.” Suddenly, the doorbell rang. _Saved by the bell_. JJ removed herself from Penelope’s grasp and made her way to her front door, opening it to reveal Emily, holding three bottles of tequila, dressed in sweats and a very revealing tank which made JJ’s breath get caught in her throat. Letting the older woman in and closing the door behind her, JJ’s heart fluttered when Emily smiled at her. As JJ walked back towards her living room, Emily went to the kitchen to get shot glasses, salt, and lemons. JJ walked in to see Penelope trying to decide what movie to play first. Before JJ could remind Penelope not to say anything to Emily, the brunette walked back in with shots. With a smirk, she handed both women a shot, “we don’t have work tomorrow so we’re gonna get shitfaced tonight.” As they downed their first shot, grimacing as the alcohol burned down their throats, none of the women knew just how life changing the night was going to be for them.

Six or seven shots later, Penelope was blacked out on the couch while the two other women were sitting on the love seat, Emily laying her head on JJ’s lap, staring at the screen as the movie played. JJ mindlessly ran her hands through the raven black hair that was laying on her legs. Emily hummed in content as she felt JJ’s hands run through her hair, happy with the contact. “You know Em, I never told you how beautiful your hair is,” JJ giggled, clearly not sober. Emily, who had less to drink than JJ but wasn’t entirely sober, turned towards the blonde, smiling up at her, “well maybe you should tell me more often.” “Well, there’s a lot I should tell you, but my lips are sealed,” JJ laughed, pretending to zip her mouth shut with her fingers. With Emily’s interest peaked, she turned towards the younger woman, “oh is there now? Well, I just have to know now don’t I?” JJ shook her head, a smile ghosting her lips, “sometimes, you’re too cute, but there’s no way I’m telling you.” Emily pouted, “come on Jayje, you have to tell me. You can’t just-” _Did she just call me cute?_ Too drunk to fully comprehend what just happened, Emily sat up and turned towards the blonde. Her cheeks reddened, “you think I’m cute?” JJ didn’t miss a beat, “well of course silly, you’ve always been cute to me.” Emily leaned forward, her breath ghosting the younger woman’s lips, “I think you’re beautiful Jen.” JJ’s face flushed, longing shining in her eyes. After a moment, she leaned forward, fueled entirely by alcohol and desire, pressing her lips against the brunette’s. Emily instantly grabbed the blonde’s hoodie, trying to pull her closer while JJ’s hands tangled in the hair they were previously playing with. The older woman pulled the blonde onto her lap, resting her hands on her hips. _This is wrong. We aren’t sober right now. I want to cherish her, not use her._ Before pulling away, Emily tried to memorize how JJ’s soft lips felt against her own chapped ones. She looked into crystal blue eyes, seeing nothing but love causing her heart to beat faster. “I want to do this when we’re both sober Jen,” Emily explained. JJ still flustered from the alcohol and the kiss simply nodded, wrapping her arms around Emily’s torso, burying her head in the crook of the brunette’s neck. Emily wrapped an arm around the smaller woman’s back while her other hand cupped the back of JJ’s head, playing with her hair. With the credits playing on the screen, the only sound Emily heard was the soft music coming from the TV and the breath of the younger woman in her arms. After only a couple minutes, JJ’s breath evened out, causing Emily to smile to herself and place a loving kiss on top of the blonde’s head. She closed her eyes, held onto JJ a little tighter, and succumbed to her exhaustion with a smile on her face and love in her heart.

Unnoticed by both, Penelope had somehow woken up and seen the whole incident take place. Even though she didn’t move a muscle because she didn’t want to ruin the moment for the two, she was internally screaming with happiness. She managed to take a picture of the two because she wanted to capture the moment for them to look back on. She closed her eyes once again, letting sleep take her as she began planning the future wedding for her two best friends.

The morning came too soon for JJ’s liking. When she woke up, the first thing she felt was the raging hangover she had. She let out a groan of pain before she opened her eyes. What she saw and felt wasn’t something she expected which caused her to stiffen. _There’s no way I’m in Emily’s arms. What the fuck did we do yesterday? Why can’t I remember anything?_ Even though the last thing she wanted to do was remove herself from the brunette’s arms, JJ gently stood up, careful to not wake the sleeping woman under her. She turned around, nearly screaming when she was met with the glare of Penelope. “Don’t scare me like the Pen! I almost woke up Em,” JJ whispered furiously. Penelope merely glanced at the brunette, meeting the blonde’s gaze once more, “she’s out like a log. But what was that yesterday?” JJ gripped her head as if it would stop the pounding headache, “let me get coffee first, then.” JJ shuffled to her kitchen, starting up the coffee machine and watching as the dark brown liquid poured in her cup, steam filling the air. She inhaled, relishing in the smell before taking a small sip, moaning as the hot liquid met her tongue. Penelope watched and waited as her patience was starting to dwindish. “JJ! What the hell was that yesterday? I thought you said you weren’t going to make a move blondie,” Penelope asked again. JJ instantly turned to face the other woman, fear written on her features, “what do you mean Pen? I didn’t make a move. Oh God please don’t tell me I did something stupid.” To say that Penelope was shocked was an understatement. She threw her hands in the air, “Jennifer Jareau are you insane? You can’t just kiss Emily and not act like you remember!” JJ’s cup suddenly slipped from her grasp, shattering on the floor, spraying JJ with the burning liquid. She nearly screamed as the liquid burned her legs, but she looked at Penelope, scared to believe her friend, “I didn’t kiss her. Please don’t tell me I actu-”

Emily came running into the kitchen, woken by the sound of glass shattering. She looked at the mess on the floor then at the blonde who was soaked in coffee. The brunette’s hand flew to her face as she realized that JJ must be in pain, “Jayje are you okay? Where’s your first aid kit?” JJ simply pointed to her bathroom, turning to face Penelope, who was just standing, watching the whole scene unfold. JJ shook her head, silently pleading Penelope to not bring up the conversation they were previously having to the older woman. Disappointed in her friend, Penelope’s head hung slightly and she called out, “bye E! I’m heading home for the day.” She simply glanced at JJ, making sure that the woman understood just how upset she was because of her actions, before she gathered her items and walked out of the front door, slamming it behind her. Emily came rushing back into the kitchen and what she saw almost broke her heart. JJ was on the floor, her head in her hands and it looked like her body was racking with silent sobs. The older woman crouched next to JJ, opening the first aid kit and began to clean the burns that were already a bright red. Not wanting to startle the clearly upset woman, Emily whispered, “what’s wrong Jayje? Let me help.” JJ’s head shot up, her eyes red and brimming with tears. “Just go Em,” she croaked. Emily froze, “what do you mean Jen? I’m not leaving you here.” “Just leave me alone Emily,” JJ shouted, her voice cracking with emotion, “I want to be alone right now. Please.” _Emily. She never calls me Emily. I don’t know what’s wrong. Does she regret the kiss? Does she hate me-_ Emily’s thoughts were interrupted with a whisper, “please Em.” Emily looked into the blue eyes she’s always loved and was surprised when all she saw was emptiness shining through. The brunette simply nodded, and before the tears threatened to fall, she stood up and left, closing the door behind her. She stood outside of the door for a moment longer, her heart shattering when she heard the sobs that ripped out of JJ’s throat. Forcing herself to not turn back, Emily walked towards her car, terrified of what this meant for the two women.

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully for both women, but both were dreading of going to work that Monday morning. Emily walked into the BAU, shocked to see the blonde was already sitting in her office, her head in her hands. Feeling someone’s eyes on her, JJ looked up and locked eyes with the brunette. After a moment, Emily turned away before the blonde had a chance to react and walked towards the bullpen. She sat at her desk, pulling up the files that she had to finish. For the rest of the day, neither woman saw the other, both of them focusing on their work. Every once in a while, Penelope would come check on both, getting upset when she realized that the relationship between the two women might never be the same. Sensing that Emily was upset, Spencer looked at her, his eyes questioning what was wrong. She shook her head and gave a slight smile, letting him know that she was grateful for him. Morgan tried to lift her spirits by cracking a joke every once in a while, and they almost worked, until she noticed the blonde walking up to the conference room. She gathered her things and sighed. _I can’t catch a fucking break._ As her and the team sat around the round table, she looked at JJ, hoping to get some kind of reaction, but the blonde avoided her gaze completely. 

The team had solved the case in roughly three days with the help of the local detective, Will Lamontagne Jr. It turned out that it was actually a pair of unsubs and while the dominant one enjoyed killing the victims by making them bleed out through cuts on their chest, the submissive unsub actually felt bad and tried to take care of the victims. It was already night by the time the team caught the unsubs, so they decided to spend the rest of the day and leave in the morning. As a way to destress, they all, including the detective, headed down to the local bar. Throughout the case, Will’s been making subtle passes at JJ, but she shut them all down. As the night went on however, JJ saw herself take a chance and she kissed the detective. She didn’t feel anything as their lips connected and she knew that it was because it wasn’t Emily she was kissing. The team saw the whole incident unfold and Emily all but shut down right there and then. She excused herself from the table and rushed out of the bar, passing the blonde on the way there. JJ broke away, glancing at the table her team was sitting at and when she saw that the brunette was now gone, her heart broke. _I’m sorry Emily. I’m doing this because I love you._

Emily ran into her hotel room, shutting the door behind her. She laid against it, sliding down until she was on the floor, the tears staining her cheeks as they fell. She pulled out her phone and dialed the only person she thought could help right now. Penelope’s voice rang out, “hey sweet cheeks, what’s up? I thought you guys were still in New Orleans for the night. Did something happen?” Emily sobbed in response, causing Penelope to instantly worry, “Emily, sweetie what’s wrong? What happened?” “JJ,” croaked Emily. Penelope sighed and made a mental note of reprimanding the other woman later. After a moment of silence, Emily continued, barely being able to choke out the next part, “she kissed detective Lamontagne while we were all at the bar.” Penelope sighed, disappointed in her friend, “hey hun, it’s gonna be ok. Why don’t you forget about it for the rest of the night and head to bed early? Snuggle under the blanket and don’t think about any of this.” Nodding to no one, Emily’s tears began to stop falling, “yea. Yea ok. I’ll talk to you later PG. I love you.” Before ending the call, Penelope made sure to respond, “I love you too E, we all do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow sweet cheeks.” Emily laid her phone on the floor as she rested her head on the door for a couple minutes, catching her breath. Reluctantly, she got up and got undressed. She crawled under her blankets, dreading the next day. _I still love her. No matter what, I’m always going to love her._ Silent tears slid down her face as she realized just how much she loves the blonde who broke her heart. That night, Emily cried herself to the brink of exhaustion, welcoming sleep as she had no more tears left to cry.

While at the bar with Will, JJ’s phone rang with Penelope’s contact flashing on the screen. She excused herself and went to the bathroom so she could answer. Pulling the phone up to her ear, she started, “hey Pen, wha-” Fuming, Penelope shouted, “don’t you dare ‘hey Pen’ me Jennifer Jareau. What the hell were you thinking kissing that detective in front of Emily? I don’t want to hear some half-ass excuse JJ.” JJ sighed, “I did it because I love her. I did it because she deserves someone who can love her better than I can. I did it and it fucking broke me Pen.” Realizing that her friend was hurting as much as the brunette, Penelope’s tone softened, “listen JJ. I know you think you’re doing this for her, but you’re doing it because you’re scared. You’re scared of things changing between you guys. Well sweet cheeks, things have already changed, and if you don’t realize that, you’re gonna lose her for good.” Tears sprung up JJ’s eyes, “how do you even know what happened Pen? Did she call you? Did she say anything else?” Debating on what to tell the blonde, Penelope simply stated, “She did. She didn’t say much because she spent the rest of the call crying. Listen Jayje, fix this or else there’s not gonna be anything left to be fixed,” Penelope ended the call, not giving JJ a chance to respond. Realization dawning on her because of her friend’s statement, JJ slid down the wall, willing herself not to cry but failing miserably. _I did this. No one’s at fault but me. She was ready to give me her love and I pushed her away, all because I was scared of what could be. I broke her. I have to fix this._ Realizing what she has to do, JJ pulled herself off the floor, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of her hand. She walked over to her team, letting them know that she was done for the night. Morgan raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the detective who was sitting at the bar, waiting for the blonde, asking a silent question. JJ shook her head and she made her way over to the man who was waiting for her. His face lit up as she walked towards him, but before he could comment, JJ jumped in, “look Will, I’m really sorry about everything, but I’m not interested. Someone else already has my heart and I have to go.” Hurt flashed on his face for a split second, but as soon as it came, it was gone, “it’s alright JJ. Whoever he is, he sure is one lucky man.” She smiled gratefully at him, “I’m the lucky one. I just have to make sure she doesn’t hate me.” Will looked at the blonde’s team, realizing that the only person who wasn’t there must be the one JJ was talking about. He patted her arm in understanding before walking off to enjoy the rest of his night. JJ practically ran out the door, praying that she could fix what she broke as she ran towards the car, telling herself that she would do everything she could to prove to the brunette that she does love her.

It was nearly two in the morning when Emily heard knocking on her hotel door. With a groan, she pulled herself from the comfort of the bed and padded towards the door. She swung the door open, shocked to find JJ standing in front of her. She went to close the door when JJ’s hand shot out, stopping it from shutting completely. She pleaded, “please Em, give me the chance to fix things.” After a moment, Emily laughed bitterly, “fix things. You want to fix things. Well there’s nothing to fix Jennifer.” Hearing the use of her full name from the brunette, JJ’s heart stung, but she took a step forward, inviting herself in. Practically begging at this point, she continued, “please Em. Just one chance. That’s all I’m asking for.”

Looking up with tears running down her pale cheeks, Emily stared at the blonde standing in front of her. “You broke me Jennifer. You fucking broke me and left me to pick up the pieces,” she whispered. She backed away from the blonde shaking her head slightly, causing the tears to drop on the floor. Her voice cracked, “I just wanna know one thing. Why did you kiss me in the first place?” JJ walked towards the brunette, reaching for her hands, her heart breaking slightly when Emily recoiled from her touch and wrapped her arms around herself as if she was shielding herself from the blonde.

JJ sighed, “because Em, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I could remember.” “Then why would you kiss him? If you love me, why would you kiss him? You wouldn’t,” Emily practically screamed back, tears pouring down her face. Unable to look at the brunette who was so broken because of her, JJ leaped forward and kissed the older woman passionately. She tasted the salty tears that had been running down Emily’s face. JJ pulled away reluctantly after a moment, reaching up and cupping Emily’s face, forcing their eyes to meet. She breathed out, “I do love you Emily Prentiss. More than I could ever tell you in words. I can’t explain why I did what I did, all I can say is that it’s never gonna happen again. Please Em, believe me. I love you.” Stormy blue eyes searching the amber eyes in front of them for an answer. For only a second, hope flashed in the brunette’s eyes before the look was replaced with something more broken. Obviously scared, Emily asked, “how do I know you’re not gonna leave me again?” “Because I’m completely enamored with you. I love you Em, with everything that I am,” the blonde promised. After some hesitation, Emily wrapped her arms tightly around JJ’s back, pulling her close and burying her head in the smaller woman’s neck. JJ wrapped one arm around Emily’s back while the other wrapped around her neck, gently cupping the back of the brunette’s head. Relief spread throughout both women as they relished in the feeling of being in each other’s arms. The tears eventually stopped falling and exhaustion started to take over.

The women were cuddling in the hotel bed in a tangle of legs and arms. Emily was laying her head on the younger woman’s chest, listening to her heartbeat. JJ was running her hand through the brunette hair while she had her arm wrapped around Emily protectively. “I’m sorry Em, for everything. I love you,” JJ mumbled. Emily looked up into JJ’s eyes, smiling softly, “even though I wish you never broke my heart, I don’t want a brand new start. We’re stronger because of this Jen. I love you too.”

Suddenly, their phones both pinged. When they opened the text from Penelope, they read _even though I wanted to wait for your wedding, I think you both need to see this now._ They clicked on the image, love blossoming in their hearts for each other and Penelope. On their screens, the picture of the two women clinging onto each other like they were a lifeline lit up the room. Overcome with love, they smiled softly at each other, ready for their future together.

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is based on the song The Butterfly Effect by Before You Exit so I would definitely give it a listen if you haven’t yet. I hope you guys enjoy it!!


End file.
